By now you’ve probably heard the sordid tale of 18-year-old Brianna Brochu and her actions against her roommate, 18-year-old Channel Rowe. Both girls were freshmen students at the University of Hartford fall of 2017.
By most accounts, they had a coarse relationship as roomies which eventually culminated with Channel moving out in late October of 2017. Brianna posted to social media, just moments after Channel’s departure, in order to brag about her, let’s just say, ‘unconventional methods’ of driving away from her unwanted roommate. (Google it for the colorful specifics.) While this is an extreme circumstance there or hundreds of roommate grievances filed every semester. And although this story ended on a less than positive note for both parties, the situation presents an incredible opportunity for growth and what to do when there is tension between you and your roommate.
Living with a new person is a bit of a steep learning curve. It is a situation that will require you to make changes to your daily habits, be more compromising and learn the true meaning of sharing. While most of us were taught these traits early and often in our childhood, we tend to forget them when we’re at the juxtaposition of newly found freedom as college students and the constrictions of being an adult basically with training wheels. We understand the importance of “playing well” with others, yet we don’t always want to exhibit these qualities. When both individuals are unwilling to compromise or make any concessions whatsoever, inevitably, a conflict will ensure.
The amazing news is that conflict can be (and should be) resolved. While it may not be likely for you to develop a 30-year friendship with your roommate, you can live harmoniously.
Practice the Golden Rule. The golden rule says to treat people how you want to be treated. It’s really that simple. If you wouldn’t like for someone to post a picture of you snoring on snapchat, don’t do it to someone else, even if it was just a joke. If you wouldn’t want someone to turn the lights out on you while you’re studying, don’t do it to someone else. Conversely, if you would like someone to share their refrigerator space with you, offer to share space with your roommate. If you live by just this one principle and ask yourself “How would I like it if ‘X’ happened to me?” a majority of your roommate drama will be alleviated.
Sharing is Caring. As a college student chances are you will be living in a small space. Chances are even greater that you’ll be sharing that small space with other people. To prevent possible spats between you and your roommate, be mindful of your amount of stuff and where you’re putting your stuff. It probably goes without saying, but let’s say it anyway. Don’t use your roommates’ closet as overflow space for your belongings, just because your space is now packed, don’t encroach on your roommates’ personal space and property. Learn to do more with less. When in doubt about your decision, go back to the golden rule for behavior clarification.
Be friendly. No one says you have to say hello to your roommate when they enter the room, but no one says you shouldn’t say hello either. According to research from happiness expert Shawn Achor, emotions or highly contagious and are spread through our verbal and nonverbal cues. When we interact with people in a good mood, we subconsciously begin to mimic their behavior. This physical imitation leads to a change in our own emotions! Scientist refer to this phenomenon as the facial feedback hypothesis. So, science backs up what you were taught as a youngster, be friendly and you’ll attract friendliness.
In the rare event, none of the aforementioned advice is helpful, specifically if you have a roommate who is verbally and physically abusive and violent. In that case, request or find a new roommate as soon as possible. Unfortunately, some people can’t be reasoned with.
However, the vast majority of people are very similar to you and just looking to have an awesome college experience!
About the author:
Kelli Roberts is an imaginative freelancer on a mission to create, teach and heal. She aspires to expand lives through writing and her understanding of neuroscience and positive psychology. Kelli is fulfilling her purpose in Southern Illinois, just outside of St. Louis, Missouri. Connect with her on Instagram @Wildflower_Curls.
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