Although having roommates in your student apartment can be great both in the short term (people to go to the basketball game with or study all night with) and the long term (potential friends for life), it can also be an experience shot through with anger and frustration that leads to fighting.
Maybe one roommate never cleans the kitchen, despite the list of whose responsibility it is that week clearly posted on the refrigerator. (Or maybe one roommate cleans the kitchen…everything but taking out the garbage, claiming she forgot. Every time.)
These are issues that need resolving, or you’ll feel angry, outraged, and taken advantage of. Here are four secrets to successfully fighting with roommates without turning your student apartment into a war zone.
First, keep your goal in mind. If you want your roommate to do his or her share, keep the focus on that. You want to rectify the situation, not suddenly bring up the stinking kitchen garbage and throw in that you really can’t stand the 450th replay of Rihanna’s Umbrella either. Do not let your anger become personal and hurtful; focus on stuff that can be fixed. (And by the way, if the tastes in music, personal habits and stuff like that bother you as much as the failure to help with the kitchen, the ultimate solution might be to find another roommate.)
Second, don’t, you know, actually fight. A big blow-up, with yelling and outrage, isn’t going to help the situation that much. If you sense that could be the direction things are headed, pick a public place for the discussion and have an exit strategy.
Third, find a time to sit down and discuss the situation, and keep the focus on what you need the roommate to do. If you have multiple roommates, everybody should be there. Remember that people who don’t pull their weight are often passive-aggressive; they practice avoidance and procrastination. Tell them frankly that they aren’t doing their share, and that it has to change.
Fourth, think of consequences. You might, for example, tell a shirking roommate that you all think upping her share of the rent would be a just solution to the fact that the rest of you do more work, more consistently. Usually the mention of such a plan is enough to fix the problem, but if it’s not, be prepared to enforce it. And, if that doesn’t work, be prepared to tell him or her to move if things don’t improve.
What else have you done to resolve a conflict with roommates?
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